2.16.2010

I just realized that you care. In all of my moments of flashbacking, this has been the most helpful. Most of my analyzation makes me think more. But this, this puts me at ease, lifts my stress.

I realized that you do care. I spent almost two years analyzing what went wrong, what I could do, what I can do, why it happened, what I should've done, how it should have happened, how far. I analyzed it all. And nothing led me here. Everything led me to believe that you didn't love me, just wanted a one night stand. And that may be true. However, you still care, regardless of everything I did. You've given me so many chances; it's amazing. And it all means you have to care because if you didn't you wouldn't even be my friend at all. The odd thing is, what led me to this mind-blowing epiphany was just something little.

I was looking at my CDs, thinking about how I'm missing so many. And I looked at my window because that is where I write what things I'm missing or what's being borrowed. My chair blocks the view of my window, and I was thinking about when I was lying in it. And you looked at me, and I had my huge headphones on, and you said "look at you. Being antisocial with your headphones." and through that sarcasm, I realized you care. I'd just been so lost and busy pining after when you cared for me like a lover that I didn't notice you caring as a friend, even if not a close one.

Thank you,
ellums

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