Our words aren't absolutes. Only God is absolute.

But God is bigger than any wall. God is bigger than any religion. God is bigger than any worldview. God is bigger than the Christian faith. - Rob Bell



I'm in the incredibly difficult process of writing an application for the Governor's School for Humanities. I've had to write an essay about why I want it. Made me think of religion. I'm also reading a book titled Velvet Elvis. It's amazing. I love it. It says so much about Christianity and what others say. The new perspective that it offers makes me reel when I read it. I have to read it over to understand it. It's amazing. It's so incredibly profound. The way I looked at Christianity was so different yesterday than now. I am in love with my God now. So in love. But the thing of it is, not only do I have a different way to view things, but I have learned. And so it has changed my perspective of Him. I've learned different things about the history of the people who talked with my God. I'm able to better understand the circumstances under which the authors were writing. And I love it!

More later. Ellie

And jealousy's the cousin, the cousin of greed

If our skin pigmentation was based on our mood, I would be green in and out of every day. I'm always catching myself with this jealous mindset. Over PEOPLE of all things. Jealous of the love they get, the time, the attention. This leads to me trying to make a ridiculous amount of plans and being clingy. And I don't wanna be clingy. I took a personality test. My weaknesses: spacey, smothering, and overly sensual. And I don't want it to be true. But I don't know how to let go. I don't know where the line is between a jerk and clingy. Pondering for now though. More later?

I'm either a super jerk. Or super clingy. And it's awful because I can't find that perfect medium. Help me?

More than the moon. More than the sun. More than even the stars.

I can hear dogs howling at the moon. I wish you felt that same attentive passion for me. I want for you to look at me in a way that makes me want to rip open my chest for you and show you my heart and my wounds. I want you to want to know me. But I'm not saying this right now because I don't want you to think I'm weak. But I think you hang the moon. That is how I feel. When I look at you, it's all I can do to hold in my smile so I don't look like a complete and total idiot everytime I look at you. You've changed so much since I've met you, but I love it.

trying new trends

i'm going to try this, this blogging. i'm tired of having to think my thoughts and scatter them on bits of paper.

i'm scared as hell. i'm not getting anything done in my life. i slack with a determination akin to that of a drowning man only kicking with his feet: just enough to get by and survive. i did my chemistry for the first time in month. i skived off class twice today because i hadn't done my homework. i'm getting behind in my classes. i don't study. i feel like i'm working towards nothing. people always say "you have so much potential. you're so good, amazing etc... your writing is great... insert whichever phrase you like." i have a Governor's School application due this coming Monday and i haven't written any of the papers I'm supposed to be doing. i know exactly what i want to do. it's just a question of getting around to doing it. my parents are riding me so hard to do it, but they aren't reminding me. if they want me to do it so bad, why can't they keep up with my progress more thoroughly? a question for all ages. oh. another. why in the heck do people answer questions for you? cause it pisses me off. gah.

canned food drive at my school this week. it makes my heart ache. i love the feeling of giving money, or anything really. my parents won't give. they think that we're only doin it to beat the other clases. but that's just a side-reward. i want people to eat. i love the feeling of accomplishing something, finishing something.

like this post.

arthurian essay to write.

all my lovin'

ellie