it's raining

I'm not worried anymore. Strange to think that the girl who wrote all that, we were the same person.



but when i lie in bed at night, i become her.

the smashing of the vase

I'll hold you when you want to break.

dear best friend(s),

i don't want you to leave me.

i'm enough of a pickle as it is.

love, me

it's kinda a nice feeling not writing pathetic sentences that undermine my self confidence.

I just feel like right now, i am constantly under this weight of knowing that some tremendous number of my friends will be leaving me.

i hate it

finding so much beauty in dirt

you know, i think you changed the way i see myself.

i'm not sure if it was for better or for worse.

Don't go.

i'm gonna miss you like mad.

do you know that moment, when you are watching someone come back to themselves? not the long one, where it's a work in progress, but when you can see it happen right before your eyes? the glimmer returns and their face lights up?

i love that.

it's almost like proof that there is something bigger than us. because we can't turn that light on inside us by ourselves. or when we can read it. where one moment, the sky is about to fall in and then the sun is shining brightly.

they were lost, and then found.

Maybe I'm just scared, scared to let you go

Funnily enough, it seems like I used this to talk to you except it doesn't matter because you'll never find/read this. So I guess this is just for me. I miss you, but now I know that this isn't the result of you ignoring me. Our paths just don't cross anymore. We're star-crossed.

Dear Friends, these are the best years of our lives

i'm over you. in this instant, at least. there are so many more important people, things, ideas, feelings, events than you or me. life, this world, they are so much bigger than i could even imagine. all of my thoughts about you, this swallows them infintesimally. i have found the one who makes me forget and accept. i think i'm going to be okay. my focus, my paradigm has shifted, and it's good. it's a process, but well worth it.
thank you for some of the best sentiments i've ever made and the most self-loathing i've ever encountered. i now have to work on love. i hope, i know it will surpass this confusion and hatred by miles, and eons, and millenia, and all other forms of ridiculously long measurements.

Grace is at your back, turn around

I didn't know that I knew what I was getting myself into.

Title and Registration

They always say that there's this one big moment in your life. The one that makes you or breaks you. That one that your would-be therapist would call the turning point. I never believed that. Life, to me, was just this flow, and the little things would add up eventually. That those would land you at 'this is you' and it was just some progression like weaning yourself off a drug. I believed this for a long time. When I was younger of course I wasn't this philosophical or analytical. That came with age and. I suppose I was too young to be thinking like that but I was subconciously. And then. It happened. It felt huge. It was an elephant sitting on my chest. On my life, my perceptions, beliefs. I was crushed under the oppresive weight of what I'd done, and more importantly what it meant. And I could never really think it out straight because, to you, it never happened. I never thought it would affect me, outside of my emotions. I was wrong. Now I'm having to face this again, and every action of my mind is riddled with you

731 days after

death cab is good, maybe even excellent

730 days after

when you take back your stuff, or give me mine back, i feel like i'm losing you

"i know, things aren't quite like what they used to be"

"people's brains stop working when they think they're gonna lose someone they love."

baggage

today is a new day.
i will approach this like it is something new.
"their problem is synchronicity. they're not on the same page. he talks to her like someone he shares history with, but from her point of view he's a stranger, forcing intimacy on her. of course she doesn't like him. he's not helping. he can feel he's losing her and that makes him come on stronger"

running for nothing

i don't think i'm enough for you anymore

"when do i get my birthday present?"

happy birthday riane

"it's stupid, i'll get over it."

i wanna leave

not good for me at all

happy birthday, trey

"I want you to want me"

someday, you and i will be friends. I just don't know how yet.

"Will I always be analyzing this for the rest of my life?"

I can't believe I didn't see you this week. Did you miss me?

"I don't want this!"

"hot and cold"

i'd like to meet you again someday

don't go

happy birthday, Lauran

"I forget things and remember them later"

happy birthday, collin

"give me back my pi[e]!"

"what was I thinking?"

"so...i had a dream about you...again"

"what do you want for your birthday?"

happy birthday kristen

"haha, that's reminds me of this one time when..."

Sometimes I feel like my elephantine memory keeps me from enjoying the present to its fullest. Iam constantly nostalgic. Because somehow, I remember every detail about you.

" oh, to melt you heart..."

"no, it's okay. no worries."

"you tried to hold my hand AGAIN! i know you did!"

I tried to write a poem about one of my friends. You know, they say that heartbreak inspiration is the best. Guess you're the one that broke me the most.

You turned me on to a lot of random things, that I am now addicted to. Odd.

"have you been here since I painted my room? ... (I picked the color because of you)"

[oh that was where you said...] [ha, i remember doing blah blah blah] [mmm, I loved doing this] [etc.]

"oh my gosh, you're graduating early?"

don't go

"How do you feel about cinnamon?"

Once again, I try. I really am a good liar thtough. I promise.

I'll run

I try. At least.

"uhh, are you psychic?"

I just let go. Of myself. And. Clung to you.

Nervous

Forward ever, backward never.

"It's true that I'm a silver shadow and you are always on my mind."

Please, you are my secret.

"Why are you waiting on her?"

I still get jealous. When I saw you today, I almost smiled from the way you looked at me.

"You in love with him?" . . . "Yes."

Keep. That. Piece. Safe. Don't let anyone hurt it but you.

"Ever feel infinite? ... yeah"

"I can't imagine what it must feel like, to have something so close, that it might as well be a million miles away."

I look at you, but can I see you?
You look past me, but you see my soul.

"i didn't mean to make you jealous. i was just sayin'."

you know how people are always saying how someone is different around them? "oh man! i wish that ______ was the same around me as she is around you? why can't she share that side with me?" etc. but i realize that we, i act different around some people than i do with others. some secrets are more applicable to some person than another, and so that's who we tell. some people have a different facet of significance in our life. and it's obvious by the way we treat people. isn't it? i have to remember that when i'm hearing about how you cried on the phone to her, about how you seemed so strong, and remember that you loved me too. it was just different. it always will be. i love you as the person that you show to me; it's okay of you act different.

"you know, I used to think you hung the moon."

"I love you more than the stars...no sense"

I just realized that you care. In all of my moments of flashbacking, this has been the most helpful. Most of my analyzation makes me think more. But this, this puts me at ease, lifts my stress.

I realized that you do care. I spent almost two years analyzing what went wrong, what I could do, what I can do, why it happened, what I should've done, how it should have happened, how far. I analyzed it all. And nothing led me here. Everything led me to believe that you didn't love me, just wanted a one night stand. And that may be true. However, you still care, regardless of everything I did. You've given me so many chances; it's amazing. And it all means you have to care because if you didn't you wouldn't even be my friend at all. The odd thing is, what led me to this mind-blowing epiphany was just something little.

I was looking at my CDs, thinking about how I'm missing so many. And I looked at my window because that is where I write what things I'm missing or what's being borrowed. My chair blocks the view of my window, and I was thinking about when I was lying in it. And you looked at me, and I had my huge headphones on, and you said "look at you. Being antisocial with your headphones." and through that sarcasm, I realized you care. I'd just been so lost and busy pining after when you cared for me like a lover that I didn't notice you caring as a friend, even if not a close one.

Thank you,
ellums

sunshine

I feel like there are so many moments I miss now because I'm too busy pining after the moments I had with you.

Heartbreak Warfare

Now that you no longer concern me and stress me out, I feel less of a need to write about you. Heartbreak writing is better.



Speaking of heartbreak though, I asked around what a heartbreak feels like to these
people.

Freshman: "like I've failed again."

K-rae: "death. Actually I'd rather die."

Sobe: "like I'd rather get my finger pricked every ten seconds for the rest of my life than deal with that kind of pain. I feel numb for everything except the agony of his absence. And it eats at me until that's the only thing I have left to feel."

Tsunami: "it doesn't. It's complete emptiness. Loss of hope. Lack of reality. Which, goes with any kind of heartbreak. Loss of love or a lost loved one."

G: "well, when I'm heartbroken, I can't stop crying and I'm like completely depressed. Just the worst feeling in the world."

Cute guitarist guy: "well it definitely doesn't feel good! . . . Well it sucks but it always gets better. Always.

What do you think?