i'm going to try this, this blogging. i'm tired of having to think my thoughts and scatter them on bits of paper.
i'm scared as hell. i'm not getting anything done in my life. i slack with a determination akin to that of a drowning man only kicking with his feet: just enough to get by and survive. i did my chemistry for the first time in month. i skived off class twice today because i hadn't done my homework. i'm getting behind in my classes. i don't study. i feel like i'm working towards nothing. people always say "you have so much potential. you're so good, amazing etc... your writing is great... insert whichever phrase you like." i have a Governor's School application due this coming Monday and i haven't written any of the papers I'm supposed to be doing. i know exactly what i want to do. it's just a question of getting around to doing it. my parents are riding me so hard to do it, but they aren't reminding me. if they want me to do it so bad, why can't they keep up with my progress more thoroughly? a question for all ages. oh. another. why in the heck do people answer questions for you? cause it pisses me off. gah.
canned food drive at my school this week. it makes my heart ache. i love the feeling of giving money, or anything really. my parents won't give. they think that we're only doin it to beat the other clases. but that's just a side-reward. i want people to eat. i love the feeling of accomplishing something, finishing something.
like this post.
arthurian essay to write.
all my lovin'
ellie
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